10 Simple ways to Commit suicide In India

1. Travel by Indian Railways. Preferably to WB, Bihar or UP.

2. Try to cross the road without looking left/right (even though pedestrian signal is green).

3.  Roam near Metro Rail or Flyover construction area.

4.  Speak Bhojpuri in Mumbai and Marathi in Bihar/UP

5.  Eat chinese food in any restaurant whose name ends with 'Sagar' or 'Darshini'.

6.  Watch Hollywood movies dubbed in any regional language.

7.  Watch KANK followed by MNIK or any recent movies directed by Ram Gopal Verma.

8. Tell that you support love marriage in front of Khap Panchayats.

9.  Date Rakhi Sawant, Mayawati, Rahul Mahajan or Sreesanth.

10.  Watch Cricket live on DoorDarshan.

ONE NIGHT @ THE ZYME SOLUTIONS...

Friday evening, friends were gathered for the dinner, as usual conversation started  with a blistering praises for their managers and other life’s afflictions.  Soup got stuck for a while in esophagus as my mobile started screaming with manager’s name on the screen! Friday evening and a call from Manager, I thought, may be something serious issue. He said “Amar, xyz (name changed) team is asking support for next two Mondays, you need to work in a second shift, only for next two Mondays.” I said no problem(well, had to…).

Monday (first Monday of the shift)…Generally my batteries goes down after 11pm, main challenge was to keep myself awake till 1am. At 11:00pm, I was the only animal left in the floor. Last thing I was expecting is an issue from xyz team. But there is a strong relationship between issues and that particular client. Got a call from analyst reporting an issue, series of calls went up to 1am, root cause of the issue remained as mystery as Bermuda triangle. They had to switch to manual process (at least those calls helped me to stay awake).

Disappointed, reached home around 2am. Subconscious mind was still thinking about the issue, clock moving silently showing 2:30am, sleepless eyes spotted the book “ONE NIGHT @ THE CALL CENTER” lying near my bed and decided to read. Pulled the chair to the balcony, more than reading book I was enjoying the pleasant breeze. It took me to my childhood days, those bindas summer holidays at cousin’s place, nights on the roof counting stars and listening “Raja-Rani ki kahanis” were thrilling moments of the life. With few coins in the pocket we used to roam entire market. ‘By two tea’ at the small chai-wala stall, Ice candy (or kulfi) from nomadic Ice-cream wala used to bring tremendous joy. Today, with enough money in pocket, various malls to shop, ice-creams with hundreds of flavors to choose and tasteless coffee and pastries (with intricate names to pronounce) at the café shop are not enough to bring the same joy…

‘ONE NIGHT @ THE CALL CENTER’ is a ridiculous novel written by Chetan Bhagat. The novel revolves around a group of six call center employees working in a call center. They get a phone call from the GOD!!! And story goes on…

But, I always get a call from some analysts reporting issues!! God, where are you?? .

Second Monday of the shift…..They haven’t reported any major issues (thank God!!). But, I am getting some weird thoughts! What if I get a call from God tonight? Like those call center guys. But, going by my Hindi movies knowledge, night belongs to evil souls, especially after midnight12! So, what if I encounter with a ghost tonight? Ok, let’s think better, how about witch? (Assuming witch is a female term) In most of the Hindi horror movies you find witch, have u thought why? May be those movies are directed by male directors. So, women organizations why don’t you protest on this! Or you simply accept that witches forms majority of the population among ghosts! (I heard that one become ghost if their strong wish is not fulfilled, and women have more wishes than men!).

If I encounter a witch, what do you think I should do? I think, I should make her my friend. After-all witches outscore girl friends! You know why?…

• Witch can take any form (referring Hindi movies), one day she can appear like Aishwarya next day she can look like Deepika!! Man, this is the best feature of witch.
• Witch is maintenance free! They don’t celebrate birthday and all…so no need to give her expensive gifts.
• Witch never forces to marry her. I think, not sure.
• Your witch is only visible to you, so u can take her to movie without buying ticket for her!
• They don’t ditch you! Again going by movies, she become witch as she was ditched by a guy she madly in love with, and unable to bear the pain she commits suicide. So, she had already gone through the pain of getting ditched! But you never think of ditching a witch, otherwise u r gone! According to Darvin’s theory one can’t become ghost if killed by another ghost! So you can’t even take revenge!
• Generally witch don’t like fancy shoes and designer clothes, they love simple plain white sari, not very expensive, right?
• Understanding witch is simple, unlike girlfriend. Just hit the nearest CD shop, u will find hundreds of movies made on her. Watch them carefully in fact study them!